You are getting on my nerves…You are on my last nerve…I feel nervous…Having a nervous breakdown…

All things we have heard of before but what are we really saying?
It wasn’t until my Osteopath pointed out my nervous system was, how he put it, “on fire” that I realised the pains that had all crept back in over the last 6 months have probably been down to stress and grief.  After the passing of my dad I faced not only the reality of never being able to see or speak to him again… which in itself is a huge shock… but I also had to deal with the unexpected fast exit he made from this world.  I had to deal with highly emotional and complex tasks and all at a time where I felt completely overwhelmed and felt totally alone.  Help was limited and it seemed no matter how hard I tried to make things happen, to achieve some level of peace, I was faced with more and more to “deal with”.

I was exhausted and I was ill… again – for the second time.  Asking myself how could I be back here… why after all that work on myself to become well and happy has it hit me again?

So I discovered grief is not what I thought it was.  It is a forever changing roller coaster of feelings.  One minute I could feel ok, “I’ve got this, I can do this”, happy and smiling… and the next minute I’m in a heap crying uncontrollably because I had seen an advert on TV which apparently is now too much to handle.  No-one can ever really explain just how complicated grief really is until you are in it.  And to be completely honest, even while in grief and being someone who understands emotions… you still might not understand why you feel the way you do any more.  It seems to consist of a series of actions or feelings that are uncontrollable.

Going back to “The Nervous System on Fire”… so at this stage I had neck problems, digestive issues and skin problems.  All things I had experienced (and more) years before but I had addressed… or so I thought.  It has been interesting albeit frustrating and extremely upsetting to see how stress and my emotional state can affect my body.  I have such physical reactions to my mental and emotional state.
This was and still is my interest and my reason for this blog so I find myself having to share with you this information. It seems too relevant for me not to share this as I realise our whole world is in a state of grief at the moment.

Grief can be presented in so many ways; the loss of a loved one, the loss of a business, the loss of a home or simply the loss of where we want to be (emotionally, physically or mentally)…. A few examples but certainly not extensive.   I realise grief isn’t just about losing something. It is about having to change and adapt and overcoming the fact it might not be what you thought it was going to be.  You might have in your mind how something will look to then realise it’s actually nothing like that.  The emotions that are generated by this are hugely varied and you could easily be lost in this.  Disappointment, disbelief, sadness, anger, resentment, distrust… the negative list can go on and on.

It is this negative reaction that causes havoc with our emotions, our thought pattern and ultimately our body!  
I could sit and talk about so many strange symptoms that might occur in the body from being put under such stress.  Aches, unexplainable pains, stiff neck, shortness of breath, achey face, feeling of invisible ants crawling on your skin, ringing in the ears, going too much to the loo, not being able to go to the loo, painful skin…even if you can see whats painful or not – it just hurts, mood swings, lack of sex drive, fatigue…   The fact is though all of these are controlled by our nervous system.  A highly complicated system that is inside of us that creates an outward signal that is visible and has feelings attached.

This makes me understand on a much deeper level how the inside of the body can be related to outside the body and in turn can be translated into physical reactions externally.  So, we have an experience or sensation, our body will pick this signal up and translate this into ‘what’s happening’ and then send a signal back to the body to react in a certain way.  For example, you feel something crawling on you… you look down and there is a wasp on you… the message is sent back to the brain with the info it has… and another message is sent back with how to react… cue the scream and waving of arms!   This is what is known as cause and effect. It was cause and effect that first interested me in why we do what we do… not just on an individual level but as humans and as a species.  “Why am I doing that”, “Why do I feel like this”, “What can I do about it”.

Whenever I look behind why something happens to the body it will always come back to NeuroScience.  One of my favorite subjects.  How we all have this untapped potential and how scientists are trying to unlock the answer to how we can hack our own bodies.  Be that for health, longevity, learning, looks, energy… it all comes back to our neurons. Master these and you can master anything.

I feel like I hacked my neurons back in 2018… I believe I had control over them… I did a 180 turnaround on my health, I healed my body within a short period of time.  I could understand my emotions on such a deep level I could access memories from when I was a child and feel them as if I was that age.   I understood how everything I had ever experienced had all been stored and I was constructing my decisions on this old information.  I did an intentional override on this and literally told myself to think differently… how my ‘thought’ to do this led to me acting differently – I made decisions based on where I wanted to be and how I wanted to feel. This resulted in me acting differently which consequently changed my entire life.  I changed my body, my perspective and I changed my mind.   I lost limiting beliefs, I lost stress and I lost worry.  

Amazing you might say… how did you do that? 
And that is a very good question…how did I do that!? A few years ago I would have answered this question as “I’m not sure, it all happened very fast in what’s named “An Awakening”.  But since then I have done extensive research as to what ‘actually’ happened.
What I do know is my awakening was caused by trauma – grief in fact.  To overcome this I threw myself into distraction with Meditation + breathing, self care, self acceptance,  self love and a lot of writing!   All of which enabled me to gain the tools to deal with what I had been experiencing to date.  Little did I know I had 3 more major traumas to follow and this would take a toll on my health once again.

What have I learnt… I have been fortunate enough to be given the tools on how to cope under immense pressure and stress. This has been the process of how, as I like to view it, I was made into a diamond. One of the hardest materials known on Earth which is created under extreme pressure. Knowing how to change perspective and to ensure self care is of top priority has been my key to being able to stand firm in the toughest of times… whilst keeping my shine.

Maintenance is key to self care. Bad things and situations happen but it’s how you deal with them/view them that makes the difference between it being negative or positive.  Sometimes your belief will be tested… again this is a matter of how you view this/perspective… is what you believe limiting you? You really can’t see it while in it… unless you look!  I am still on my journey of self discovery and healing but I have found humans have the amazing ability to snap back into old habits very quickly – whether that be good or bad ones! Something I have found interesting… and disturbing… is we can easily bundle trauma past and present into one feeling. The more you have experienced the more intense the feelings and physical experience becomes.  Grief is like a muscle memory… as soon as it’s put under stress it will remember and react in a much bigger way than expected.  Just like a Nitinol paper clip bent out of shape… put into hot water and it immediately goes back to its original form.  Maintenance is the act of getting back out of the hot water and re setting yourself to what you want to be… not what you were made to be. 

Healing is an ongoing process and we are all in that in some way or another.  More so since Covid arrived to change us all.  To be well is a daily ritual, daily reminder, minute by minute being in the moment.  It’s a ride of experience. A collection of events.  A forever adapting and gaining of knowledge roller coaster, which you can either hate and feel sick or you can just sit back, throw your hands in the air and enjoy the ride!

Don’t keep living on your nerves and letting others get on your nerves… If you are healing, those nerves need to be looked after…by you.

Keep breathing, Keep relaxing, Keep laughing, Keep experiencing, Keep Dreaming, Keep Living, Keep Being.

Even in times of despair and grief, ensure you make time for you…Do what makes you happy and fill your head and heart with love. 

With Love, The Dreaming Living Being.

With change comes the opportunity to reorganise…

With reorganisation comes change.

Something I asked myself for years… Why cant I get organised?
I found I just didn’t have the motivation, the inclination, the want or the energy to get organised. I looked around me, saw what had to be done, got overwhelmed which resulted in me leaving it… “I’ll do that when I have more energy…its a big task”.

So I asked myself WHY…What is stopping me?! The following needed to answered:
What motivates me?
Why do I act in this way or feel this way (inclination)?
What is taking up my energy?

When I could answer these questions I had a starting point to make a change. Understanding allowed me to make changes to the habit’s I created that put up a barrier. I was then able to change my behavior.

If we know what we want it to look like then we can create a plan… We know what we want it to look like and feel like. We are all fully aware what we see/look at creates feelings for us… So how do you want to feel?
What will it look like to create that feeling for you?

Look after yourself… Not in the selfish term but in a self care sense. If you do not care for yourself how will you care for others?

What puts your mind at rest? How do you look after your body? What raises your spirit?

Dreaming Living Being

Once you know what you want it to look like how are you going to get there/make it happen? An ‘action’ plan… the steps on what actions to make and when. Just like going somewhere new you could ask someone directions on how to get there, use a map/instructions, ask someone to help you? Think or talk about what you want to happen, in what time scale? Write a list of tasks, do a brainstorm, make a drawing of what you want it to look like… anything that gets what needs to be done out of your mind and into visual order.

You need to know what you are looking at to know what it is you are organising.

Clarity…Why is it happening, when will it happen, what will it mean for you? What do you expect to do differently?

Dreaming Living Being

Have you ever had that cupboard that is stuffed full of things that you know you need to sort out… but you just don’t know where to start? The reason you don’t know where to start is because you don’t know what you are looking at. All you are doing is looking at the face of it… It can seem overwhelming thinking of what will come out…especially if its a deep cupboard! But the only way it’s ever going to become organised is by getting it all out… looking at what you have. Then you can see what you really need (“oh I forgot I even had this, this is really useful”… “what is this actually in here for?”) and knowing what is just being stored.

Once you have a full understanding of what you are going to do it is time to take action… otherwise the plan that you made becomes redundant. Was there any need for the plan if you decide not to actually do what you set out to do? Similarly if you don’t even make a plan or picture of it, is the intent even there to start with? Seeing as you are reading this I assume you want to make a start… maybe you’ve even made the plan but you still aren’t doing it?

What is it that holds you back from acting on it? Why are you not putting your plan into action? Back to our earlier questions… What is the motivation? Why am I acting like this? What is taking up my energy so I can’t do this?

What happens if you just can’t do it – physically. Either there is too much going on that means there is no time you can find to get a chance to do it. Do you give yourself the acknowledgment it’s just not possible at the moment but you will get to it… keeping the intent there – give yourself a break. Or maybe you cant get it off of your mind and feel that the more pressing actions/tasks you are taking part in are in fact getting in the way? Are you able to let something go?…make the room to be able to concentrate on what you want to do… so you can complete the task you want to do, to feel better about it? I understand this is possibly the most frustrating of questions, understanding you want to do something but can’t because of other commitment or do not have the physical ability to make the actions. At this point the choice to let this plan go could be made. If this is the case, have you really let it go… or are you still thinking about it? Alternatively find out how else you can do this… finding outside sources to complete this plan for you – can someone else make your vision a reality for you? Maybe outside sources can pick up the other actions taking your focus and energy away. Remember there are always options… you just have to look in the right place, at the right time, to find them.

Always communicate what you want or need. “If you don’t ask you don’t get”… Are you asking the right person? Something to note – if you don’t ask out loud the only person listening is you.

Communication is key…Are you aware what is happening? When will it happen? Are those around you sharing information?

Feelings, Design, Action

Dreaming Living Being

Is it that you are not able to do what you’ve always done? If so, you have to do it another way… you have to find a way round it. If someone came and blocked off a road you always went down what would you do? Complain to someone? What if complaining about it didn’t change the fact the road will remain closed? Would you keep driving up to it and getting annoyed it’s still closed? Its not going to change so what can you do? Find a new way round? Or stay on the road to nowhere? If you cant do what you could before you have to create a new way to do it. Look around to find your way back to the road you want to get on, to get to where you want to be. Can you get through it? Can you get round it? What do you need to do to achieve this?

Sometimes these blocks are physical and sometimes they are created in our minds. Figuring out which ones are which can be the key to how we can start a task… to how we can reorganise what we are doing… either physically or in our minds. In my experience they work together and need cohesion. Ever heard the saying “tidy house, tidy mind”. They work hand in hand – if you have an untidy/disorganised house your mind is full of thoughts of what there is to do and when…sometimes maybe ‘I’ve done that already, I don’t need to do it again’ – you are not maintaining and become stuck in what you have already done. If your mind is full of untidy/disorganised thoughts you will bring this into your home. The action of tidying can be lost while you sit in disorganised thoughts. Nothing will ever happen unless you act upon a thought… the difference between thought and intention is that intention is a course of action that you intend to follow, thought is just something you create in the mind only – it’s not perceived with all 5 of your senses – you are then just “thinking about it”. Keep your house in order keep your thoughts in order… similarly keep your thoughts in order keeps your house in order. It’s easier to have 1 thought/task and follow it up with 1 action at a time. The term ‘over thinking’ – all that happens is the process of ‘thinking about situations’ and not actually bringing them into your life/experience. How often has the thought of something actually matched the experience itself? The feelings you receive through your senses?

Feeling secure…What do you know now, what will come later, what will not change?

When we know where we stand do we feel secure?

Dreaming Living Being

The very same can be said if the ‘house’ is the ‘body’… Our house is what we are in, it holds/contains us… its not who we are. The mind is made up of memories, experiences and contains the information you or others put in… The mind is essentially made up by our feelings. Tidying away old, limiting and outdated thoughts/objects allows room for new thoughts/objects… leading to new ideas/purpose that might well suit us more and make our life easier to manage to make it more enjoyable.

Keep your mind and body clear and each will simultaneously look after the other…Cohesion can be achieved when thought becomes action. Keep it together.

Cohesion and Solidarity… When we are in agreement with feelings and actions we can stick together.

Dreaming Living Being

Further to my previous post “Are you lost” I look deeper into how we end up travelling in circles. Could your confidence be stopping you from making a decision and heading in a new direction? Ever thought to yourself… I’ve been here before…

Confidence is the application of yourself to an action and executing it well. Be that out of love, attention or good strong will.

-The Dreaming Living Being-

The definition of love is an intense feeling of deep affection… a great interest and pleasure in something.

“Love is blind”… Is love blind or does love make you blind?

Love is blind, but not in the superficial sense where you are not seeing with eyes but I believe love itself is blind.

Love cannot see through eyes. If you are in it, you cannot see it. Why do you want to see it, while in love you can just enjoy it.

If you cannot see you need your other senses to help you build a picture through taste, touch, smell, sound and feeling.

When you find the perfect combination of your senses you find true love. Only then you will fully understand why love needs to be blind.

We could confuse the blind to being “in the dark” and unable to see. It’s in fact an invitation for you to reach out your hands and feel your way… towards where you need or want to go. Feeling for a light switch to enable you to illuminate where you are… Reaching out to feel a familiar shape of something or someone who makes you feel safe in the dark.

When you find what you are looking for you feel safe and comfortable… You no longer need to keep looking for the light because you are already there.

Love is blind because it is built from all the other senses… Only you know what love feels like for you; after all it’s your taste, touch, smell, sound and feeling.

Love is a whole body experience.

How do you communicate your love and how is love communicated to you?

Do you speak in true love and does true love speak to you?

With love, The Dreaming Living Being.

The unknowing bee sits on a large beautiful and perfectly formed yellow flower. This busy worker sits absorbing the warm sunshine on a large soft pillow covered with powdered gold.

He sits rested between two large flower heads, both open and inviting.

Butterflies play in the bright rays of light above him but his focus, for now, is on these two flowers. The welcome rest and time to gather the powdered gold. A simple act with the promise of turning this powder into liquid gold. 

Is this bee aware of how important he is? Does he know what vital role he plays?

The unknowing bee sits on a large beautiful and perfectly formed yellow flower. He sits collecting powdered gold to return to his honeycomb palace. An eager workforce waiting for him to return with the sacred ingredient. From power to liquid, this gold will to be turned into precious food.

Is this flower aware of how important she is? Does she know what vital role she plays?

The unknowing bee sits on a large beautiful and perfectly formed yellow flower. The soft golden center providing an inviting platform for the worker to gather her pollen with the promise of expanding her existence.  Already visible but not yet in focus her beauty stretches far into the distance, highlighted by sun rays and the flight of butterflies.

Nature provides the base for a perfect symbiotic relationship where neither worker or platform can exists without the other. Both innocently living their own lives and yet one cannot exist without the other.

Joy and Happiness; a symbiotic relationship. Joy being the platform for happiness to be collected. Happiness the product to create food for the soul.

With love from The Dreaming Living Being